Pre-Wedding ripping out of hair!

Hello!
So I haven't posted in a Very long time; this is because I am preparing for my wedding which is in... One WEEK!
In the last year I have had many difficulties and life lessons learned. With all these difficulties I learned a lot what makes me well, Me.
I have always known that I am a fun loving, social, mature, adventurous person. I love being around friends and being social; I love having fun and going on adventures. This hasn't changed since I could crawl and never will.
Something I've always loved was my hair long. I have strawberry blond hair but with a twist. I find every color in my hair: black, brown, red, blond, bleach blond, etc. People have always told me I have beautiful hair or would ask how I got the color. It's natural! My hair is super straight. It hates to be curled, but curling is too much work anyways. I love my hair long. I've had it short twice in my life and it just didn't... seem like me.
Another thing about my hair is there is 4 lucky people that have my same exact hair. Why? Because I believe  in charity. I have given my hair to a program called Locks of Love ever since I was 6 years old. Christmas 2011 was my most recent donation. I donated 12 inches. My hair has grown 10 inches since then. My goal has been give my hair 8 times in my life, but I doubt I'll stop there.
With Giving away my hair I'm also very charitable. I remember when I was around 5 or 6 I threw a Halloween Party and we "Trick or Treated for Food." I donated a carload of food to the food bank. I can't give up the opportunity to help people.
I have always loved baking. I used to bake anything my parents would buy, nothing stayed on the shelves long. I got a job at a Ice Cream shop/chocolate factory. I learned how to decorate cakes, make chocolate, caramel and chocolate covered strawberries. There I found my hobby. I love decorating cakes. I have only taken one class and I have even surprised myself.

Of course I've done many more cakes, I just don't have all the pictures on my computer yet.

I am a fighter. I fight for what I believe and for the people I care about. I fight for truth and things I'm passionate about. I stand my ground and am very stubborn. With this wedding I've been very relaxed. I've only gone Bridezilla a couple times, and the people deserved it. Weddings are about celebrating the Bride and Groom. Celebrating they found each other and they are taking on the responsibility of becoming one and becoming adults.
So what if they decided to get married young or old, where it is, what day it is. All that matters that if you need to be there to support them you are. Especially family. Family means unconditional love. It means you go to your brother's soccer games and he goes to your softball games. It means helping them when they need it and being excited when they move away even if your sad they are leaving. It means going to their wedding and not commenting on the things that you're not 100% happy about. It means helping with the wedding and making it less stressful for them. It means getting to know their new spouse before judging.
I must say, I believe if you TRULY support your family and their choice to get married you don't complain that you have to go, that it's inconvenient.
NEWS FLASH!- All weddings are inconvenient. not everyone can come and people have to get off work. My sister isn't going to make it to my wedding. It breaks my heart but I know she supports me and I understand. Living far away has it's pro's and con's. I love her more than anything and I understand. That's what family is. Understanding. This is My Hubby's day and mine. We get to be in the spot light for now and that's the way it should be. Take turns to be the one everyone is talking about and being excited for. I will go all Pissy if someone get's in our way. :)

I know this is a long weird post, but this post is mainly to release all my stress to be able to finish up the last bit of work so I can enjoy my time, our time, our spotlight time.
Family is there for me and I am also there for them. I fight with my siblings, I get upset with them, but if anyone says something bad about them I'd kill them. They are mine and I love them.
I hope I can get to know my new family well and get along with them so I can feel the same way about them as I do my own.

Thanks for reading my Pre-Wedding chaos. Back to getting things together!

Just a bit about me.

So I’ve never really posted an all about me post so here we go.

Blue has the wheel while Bartholomew bears the pedals.

I absolutely love bears! I have two teddy bears I sleep with and I think they are so cute. I know, a little childish but oh well. I’m a Psychology major photography minor. I want to be a life coach. I love helping people and making people’s lives easier. I’m a perfectionist so sometimes I fear I won’t be able to help people but I realize a lot of my friends come and ask me for advice and I am able to help them so my fears fade away.

I love photography. I’m a landscape photographer because I cannot pose people to save my life. But I love the way the earth looks. The mountains and hills covered in snow, the flowers that bloom in the spring, the green trees by the rivers, etc. I love it all. When I go out to shoot pictures with my old SLR Sears film camera or my fiancés waterproof Nikon, I only shoot what I see beautiful in natures, so naturally I have a ton of pictures. Besides music, pictures take up the most room on my laptop. Of course, I delete the ones that don’t meet my standards.

My favorite hobby is cake decorating. My most resent cake was one of a purple and blue bear. I was so proud of it we didn't cut it for days. My cake container keeps is fresh so don’t worry. Here’s a few of my cakes! I’m getting better and better the more I do.

Purple Bear Cake!

Halloween Cupcakes

Frog cake for my girl Mariah

Cupcake cake!

I love my friends and hanging with them. I’m a very social girl so I love getting together with my friends and laughing until it hurts. But my favorite thing in the whole world is my fiancé. I can’t imagine someone more perfect or a couple more in love. We are each other’s whole world! I never wanted to get married so young (I’m 19 now and we’ll both be 20 when we get married). Many people do not like me getting married so young, to them I say shut the fuck up and get on with your own life. It’s our perfect time to get married. We live together in an apartment and have since we started dating due to circumstance. Oh well. Living together does speed things up quite a bit but I wouldn't have it any other way. We make each other happy!  We’re not having kids for a long time (I say not until I’m 30 but my fiancé thinks at least a little sooner). I want to be done with my Masters and have a nice job and a place to raise them. Just because I’m getting married young doesn't mean I’m stupid. The people who don’t understand why we are getting married don’t know us. Easy as that. I’m marrying my best friend!

So we went up to my home town for a couple of days to do wedding stuff and oh my am I excited now. We have the food and the basic plan for the wedding all set up. We went and ordered our flowers and the price was so WONDERFUL! I got: my bouquet, all my brides maids plus one extra, the boutonnieres for all the grooms men fathers and grandpa’s, my fiancés boutonnieres, the flower girls flowers and a few for centerpieces all for less than $250. I was so happy I found this place. If you’re in Salt Lake and you’re in need of ANY kind of beautiful flowers for a wonderful price look up Skyline Florist on Highland Dr. As the little old lady says, “our building looks like garbage” but they are so wonderful! My wedding is small for a Utah wedding. Only close family and friends at the ceremony and then the people I’ve known since I was little will come later for the reception. I’m using all my little nieces and nephews in the ceremony and my sister is a brides maid. I Love my family and that’s what is important to me for this wedding.

Well I hope you weren’t too bored with this. Hope you all have a most wonderful weekend and Valentine’s Day. I know I will!  ;D

STRESS!

So I haven’t posted in a year. I haven’t had time or anything to really put in a whole post. So here’s an update…

I’M GETTING MARRIED!

Ah! I’m so excited!

I’m marrying my best friend and I couldn't be happier. He’s everything I ever wanted and never knew I wanted. He makes me whole. I never thought I could ever love anyone as much as I love him!

Ok, I won’t bore you with sappy details.

This wedding thing, we’re coming to find, is actually really easy. I got my dress in the first trip, we found our venue in one trip, I found my brides maids dresses, we know what our cake is going to look like etc! We seem to be having great luck with this wedding planning but I've come to realize the hardest thing about a wedding is… the new family!

Whooo. My soon to be in-laws are SO intimidating. For the people who know me, I don’t take crap from anyone. I am outspoken and fun. I’m confident and can be very scary if needed.

I don’t care what people think of me. I have no fear of public speaking and I’m so easy to talk to. Friends come to me for advice.

So why is this difficult for me? Because usually I don’t care what people think of me, but in this situation I do care.

My future brother in-law is a big worry. I have tried to talk to him and get to know him and he just dismisses me. When that happens to me in certain situations I go in to fight or flight mode… but I can’t open my mouth to fight without worrying about my appearance. So I shut up and sit back. It’s so unlike me but I know where it comes from.

If you haven’t yet read Little Girls and Stereotypes and Pushing On, please do before you read on.

So you've read it? Good.

So those experiences made me confident and feisty. But I do fear people like I did in the past. I have this fear of being looked down on. This is a real struggle for me.

Don’t get me wrong, I've tried to get to know him but he isn't taking.

Oh well.

So…. I hate to admit it but I've come to realize recently I’m a perfectionist. Not full on EVERY SINGLE THING has to be perfect, but everything in myself has to be perfect. Everything I do, say, look has to be perfect. Again I fear this being looked down upon or this unacceptance. To me if I’m not accepted there’s room for being bullied. Silly I know, but it’s what I fear.

With this perfectionist personality comes much anxiety.

It’s the end of January now, at the end of November I started getting really sick. I got worse and started having a lot of problems. I ended having mono, hypoglycemia and panic attacks. I’ve always had anxiety but I never realized how bad it was. I gain 40 pounds from the mono and anxiety (I’m fat now) and now I have a lot of work ahead of me. Going to the gym and yoga is in my future.

I had to go LOA from my job and had to drop out for spring semester. It’s been a really hard time for me. I've been home with my parents for a month going to multiple doctors. I couldn't have gotten through it if it wasn't for my two best friends up here, Marco and Chloe, and my two best friends down at school, Mariah and Erin. But best of all my Fiancé was there for me every single day. Phone call and texting and even coming up to see me.

I know this was short but I thought I might as well post since I haven’t posted in a year. And sorry it's not the best post, I know I could've said much more and said it better but oh well. 

Have a great 2013!