The Hard Times With Friends.

Throughout my life, I have witnessed a lot and with this, I’ve learned that people come and go. Some people are less mature than you are and can’t see the wisdom and experience you have so you have to suggest things then watch them crash and burn and learn the way you have. Some people are more mature and have more wisdom than you and you can take their advice and see their point but you still have to crash and burn to gain their knowledge. I’ve lived through pain and have learned a lot about people and friendships. I’m still not a master and still screw up all the time. I’ve noticed I have two weak points in life, Spelling and Friends. At least there’s spell check for my one weak point. Friends is harder to deal with. Ever person is different. Some people are able to have so many friends and be happy. I’m so jealous of them. They just have a knack for people. I don’t. So Story time!

You: YAY! I love stories!

Me: It’s Kinda depressing. Hold on tight and be prepared.

Before I begin. This isn’t a feel bad for me post. It’s a learning and understanding post and something to type up caus I think I just need to see things on paper, or in this case on screen.

So I was bullied a lot as a child. I started getting a few friends in Jr. High but they ended up being people who just used me and then would bully me more caus they knew more about me so they could hurt me more. High School seemed the same for the first two years. I finally got a really good friend right before Jr. Year. We did everything together and I thought we were great together. In January she was going through a hard time and she ended up changing schools. I knew while we were friends I was kinda like her… Bitch is a good word. I did everything for her but I enjoyed it. She was my Best Friend (besides my main best friend who I’ll talk about later). When she left she knew just the right words to hurt me and she said them. I found myself alone once again but with the pain she left me. I don’t blame her. I know she was hurt and she probably just lashed out but it doesn’t make the pain any less. I learned a lot from her but I’m also sad she’s not a part of my life anymore but painful memories.

After the first girl was gone another girl was there who swooped in a few weeks later and sorta “rescued” me from my pain. We were great friends. I kinda had to change for this friend but I did it because I’m kinda dumb and do what people tell me to (not so much anymore). I ended up being a mini her. I realized it and stopped and she got upset. She tried turning all my friends against me and it worked for a few days. It ended up backfiring on her and she lost many friends. I feel so bad about it but I wasn’t about to let myself lose everything I had. I still lost an amazing friend and another in the process. She hurt me and I am sad we can’t be friends and I still have pain from it. I learned a lot from the loss of this friendship.

I was torn up for weeks from these two instances. I still kinda am but I’ve forgiven, moved on and learned.

You: So who’s you’re best friend who you said you’d mention.

Me: Oh yes!

So my best friend EVA… let’s call him (yes him)…………Shower (Don’t ask…).

So Shower's and mine’s friendship is a very strange one. After 3 years of stubbornness on my part to be friends we became super close and the best of friends. The wired thing is me and shower are total opposites! He will make me mad a lot and he just doesn’t care. I love him anyways. We say we’re twins, which is kinda weird caus if you’ve seen us we SO don’t look ANYTHING alike. He’s my brother, my best friend forever. We get along because we put up with each other and can see each other's point and are both at the same maturity level. Ok, I'll admit when we're together we don't ACT mature but we are. I hate acting mature but I am. Actually, I'm more mature than a lot of the people I associate with. But this is what helps our friendship. We both know how to be childish and have fun but we know what's appropriate. 

I made other really good friends too like….. let’s call them Cholle, Fishy and Chicken…. I miss them! I miss them so much! They are the ones who I can always rely on and trust. They're all back in my home town and I'm four hours away. It is so hard to be away from the people who you love and can trust. Lately I feel like my life is like this song. Not exactly but close. Mainly the chorus.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KmoDEdDByZk&feature=artist

Anywho, so now I’m in college with new friends and everything’s turning to hell. So moral of this story/blog is I suck at friendships. I love my friends and want to keep them but I’m starting to realize I have to let some people go. Growing up is hard and I need to remember not everyone knows what I know and there’s others who know more. Everyone needs to accept this I think. I just need to “Hold on, there’s better day’s around the bend.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J3_ukhHQSjc

This is the song that I’ve been listening to lately along with We are One from Lion King 2 and others.
So the point of this is I've decided to look at what I'm doing in life now and with friends, reevaluate and work on what i want to be and who I want to become. Sadly this is going to be a big change for me (and if you've read previous posts, change is hard especially when it involves friends) and it's going to take time to switch and probably going to drive me more crazy than I currently am. Yay! 

Have a most wonderful night... or day, whenever you read this. Chou!