Respect is Forgotten.

Before I begin, I would like to say WOW! I didn’t think that many people would read this. What’s even more surprising is the people reading from other countries SO….

For the reader’s in Russia, Спасибо за чтение!

For the reader’s in Germany, Danke fürs Lesen!

For those of you in Bulgaria, Благодаря за четене!

For you in Taiwan, 多 谢 

And you in the UK, Thank You!

You all in US, Thanks!

(for the record, I put this into Google Translate so if it’s wrong or looks wired… SORRY!)

You: “That was so considerate of you to do that!”

Me: “Oh why thank you! That’s actually the topic of today. Considerate People.”

(I’m not conceded, I just wanted to tie in my Thank You’s with my topic.)

So I’ve noticed lately that there are a TON of people that are not very considerate of others. I work at a Store as a cashier and the people there can be scary! Some people just want someone to yell at when they do something wrong. It’s my job and personality to just smile and try to make things right and I do think “Oh, They must be having a bad day. Sad!” but when I see the same people doing it over and over multiple days it gets me thinking why do they do that? The world doesn’t revolve around them!

Don’t get me wrong, not everyone’s like that! I get SO many people that talk to me and smile and I’ve had a ton of people say “Thanks for smiling and being so friendly.” This makes me so happy when people say that. I don’t just “Act” that way, that’s just the way I am and lately a lot of people have noticed it. I have people come to only my line now when they see me. This one couple waited behind three people with 5 cart loads of stuff in total just to go to me. That makes me feel good. I realized they come to me not only caus I smile and am fast, but also because I’m considerate and respectful. And this isn’t just me thinking this. People have told me.

Please give me a moment to smile on this fact… :D

Anyways, moving on.

I truly believe I’m this way because of my personality and the way I was raised.

I was raised really well even though sometimes I’m embarrassed to admit it. My mom was somewhat over protective but it did benefit me somewhat. I knew that if I did something utterly stupid and disrespectful that I would be in tremendous trouble. So I wasn’t stupid or disrespectful. So now I’m in college and have a lot of respect for people, their things and pretty much everything in general!

Sometimes I have to be mean when other people are being disrespectful. Like last night! Ok, STORYTIME!

So the last few nights I’ve gotten NO sleep at all because people would be super loud in my apartment. Ok, even when I sleep I don’t sleep well but I still need that bit of sleep. Thursday night it was quiet but I slept on the couch caus I just couldn’t sleep in my room because of something not “bad.” Friday night people were loud and up really late laughing. Saturday night there was people from Las Vegas visiting my roommate and they were staying in my apartment (I was just told they were).

You: “Why were you trying to sleep instead of being with them?”

Me: “Oh ya! Forgot that part. Ok, I have WORK all day the next day.”

So I’ve been working a full time job the last few weeks plus being a full time student plus trying to study for finals.

You: “Why didn’t you ask them to be quiet?”

Me: “I asked nicely many, many times. I even texted someone at four in the morning to remind them.”

So, back to the story. So yesterday, Sunday, I was super tired all day. I have no idea how I even functioned working all day, but I did. So When I got home I told everyone to please be quiet so I could go to bed because I had finals in the morning (My finals were the earliest caus I have a really early class, earlier than anyone else’s). I even got really mad and threatened to kick people out of my apartment if they were loud. They were loud. There’s a thing you should know about me, I do what I say I will do.

So they were really mad when I kicked them out but I did. I needed sleep!

So respect. They’re my friends and they of all people should respect me and my needs. They should at least try to understand my needs as well. For a lot of my friends that’s not the case. I shouldn’t have had to ever asked them again and again to be respectful and be a bit quieter. One friend even said “you’re other roommate’s found ways to deal. They put in headphones and such.” Ok, do you see what’s wrong with this?! They shouldn’t HAVE to deal! They live there! They pay rent to sleep there! You should respect them because you are in THEIR apartment! This made me super mad! Headphones will usually fall out of my ears if I sleep with them. Yes I’ve tried.

I was really mean about it but I was tired and so I was a bit cranky. Truthfully, again they kinda pushed me overboard. I still feel bad but it had to be done.

You:  “Was it worth it? Did you do well on your final.”

Me: “Yup! Aced it!”

Yes I know my grade already. Anyways, back to my angry blog (I feel bad my blog seems so angry and full of things that annoy me but this is how I express myself as of late).

It’s surprising how many people are so inconsiderate in college! I see people all around campus and wonder what this world is coming to! Why can’t people start thinking about other people other than themselves? I don’t understand how people only want to have fun and things go their way. Sure I’d like if some things did go my way but when they don’t I’m not upset. I was raised to have a lot of respect for others and think how my actions would affect others as well. Obviously some other people wasn’t. This saddens me.

So I’ve decided to take a new route in life. I’m going to still be considerate but if there’s something that needs to change so that I can actually function, it’s going to. Wither that be getting sleep or homework done, having alone time, whatever. It’s going to happen. If people don’t appreciate me or give me the respect I deserve than they don’t have to be in my life. As hard as this will be for me I’m willing to try for my own sanity (if there’s any left) and own good.  I wonder how this will turn out… Knowing me, Badly.

This is my only option right now. Last week I got so fed up with everything I was about to leave and not tell anyone. My Best Friend, Shower, talked me out of it. Shower agrees that people are being stupid. I’ve noticed the group I have been with lately is very… weird. If someone says something wrong or even looks at someone wrong it sparks a fight. Seriously people! Grow up! We’re all adults here and should act like ones! I know that I still have some growing up to do but I’ve been acting more like an adult then a lot of people I’ve noticed.

So I’m sitting here with my new pillow pet watching Tangled and eating Mac & Cheese about to get ready for work. Thanks for Reading y’all! Have a most WONDERFUL Evening… or Day whenever you read this! :) See ya!

This is just... ME!

The way a person thinks is what makes said person who they are. Those thoughts are what make a person act the way they do. Not everyone thinks the same way and sometimes a person will come across another person who has a new way of thinking that they haven’t come across before. When this happens the first person has two options; to either try and understand the other person or think the way they think is the only right way to think. It’s up to them and either option can cause problems.

I’ve been told I have a very… weird way of thinking.

You: “You’re telling me! I read your post about Classifying! See It’s right here!  à  Click!

That was kinda wired...”

Me: “Yes. And it gets even deeper and possibly more buzzard.”

You: “How so?”

Me: “Humm… Well I shall tell you!”

I am now going to explain a bit about how I think and view the world!

So how to start. I guess I shall start by saying the one thing that comes up the most.

The word “Should.”

I say this word a lot and have tried not but it just happens. When I say “hey, we Should do bleh…” or “You Should bleh…” It’s me making a suggestion. I couldn’t care less if the thing happens or not and it’s just an option. This has gotten me in trouble a lot and I’ve been trying so hard not to say it but I have all my life and it’s something that just can’t change overnight. Sorry if this bugs you, this is just me. I will try working on it. If I say “Should” and you say “nah, I don’t think so” I’ll be ok and just say “Ok, what other options are there?” or something like that. I should move on.

You: “Ah… let’s not.”

Me: “Ok. I can write about something else.”

You: “NO! I was joking! I want to hear more! DUH! This is why I’m reading this!”

Me: “You sure?”

You: “Absolutely! I was only kidding!”

Me: *chuckle* “Ok. I shall move continue.”

Anyways. So next piece of business. I’m going to share a bit about how I view the world and people. I truly think people are pure hearted and have pure intentions. I believe people want to make other people happy and  avoid any sort of conflict. Ok, I know and understand that’s not the way the world works. But no matter how much I understand that and know that’s not how the people really think, I just can’t stop what I believe. I believe there is good in every living thing. Ok, not every living thing. I think there is a few really bad people in the world who are truly evil. I think they corrupt others and that’s why other’s do really bad things. I think the reason they do that is because they believe in what they were doing! I think people don’t mean to hurt others. They just do things because maybe they’re having a bad day, week, year, etc. Maybe it’s how they think. It’s probably just how they act and don’t mean to offend other’s or hurt them. I’m hard to offend because I always think that person didn’t mean to be rude.

You: “Ah… how has this worked out for you???”

Me: “Sadly… horribly.”

Yes this hasn’t worked out for me well and usually it ends up with people manipulating me, taking advantage etc. I’m used to it. It sucks but I can’t think any other way. I think it’s because I try to make everyone happy and hate to hurt others and make them unhappy because of my actions/doings. I don’t mean to do anything wrong/bad and when I did and it really was my fault I’ll do anything to make it better. I like peace. I do things to make people happy and that’s my purpose in life. I don’t care, it’s just challenges I have to work through.

The only time people can really hurt me or make me mad is when they do something that upsets me that was intentional. This has happened about 3 times. Usually when people upset me I figure they didn’t mean to and even though it may annoy me or hurt me I forgive them. Sometimes I feel the need to talk to said person and work things out and it usually turns out well, if they listen and see my side. I do my best to understand other people and accept their side of things even if I don’t understand it. Problems arise when they won’t give me the chance to give my side or even try and accept my side or try to understand it. I feel like I go 80% in friendships sometimes because I don’t think people really try to see my side of things.

I make mistakes. I do. Everyone does. When other people make mistakes I understand but it sometimes feels when I make mistakes that people take it harder than they should. I am an OCD, Organization Freak with a little perfectionism; a LITTLE. That is directed toward actions in school. I’m not perfect and I know I’m not. I do try be the perfect me and do the best I can. But it seems because I hold myself to a high standard that everyone else expect me to be perfect and when I fail at something some people look down on me. This isn’t just in my head. People have told me that when I fail or make a mistake it makes them think different of me. I have messed up a few times and tried to fix it. I was told “you’re the perfect one and you made the mistake. You’re not perfect anymore. You can’t fix it and I don’t see you the same anymore. We can’t be friends anymore.” That’s just what one person said. I’ve heard it all. I know six people who have defriended me because of a mistake the “Perfect One” made.

I think rationally about everything. I try to make sense of everything that happens to me and other people. I understand this isn’t a really… Good thing to do but again, this is how my mind works. I try to rationalize everything I do too. I feel like my mind is a textbook. I love reading and learning. I love figuring things out and observing. This is what I do. Again, you read the Classifying People post (which people have to keep in mind that’s just a brief overview and there’s a LOT more to people than what I described) you probably understand the textbook part of this!

I also believe I may have higher morals/values than some people. It bugs me SO much when I’m at a Concert, a Movie, a Performance etc. and people are being so disrespectful. I go to things because I WANT to, not because I have to. If I didn’t want to go to something I wouldn’t. I don’t go to play games on my ZUNE, or listen to music on my ZUNE, or text, or sleep, or talk to people, or put my feet over chairs, or mess with friends or just be rude. I go to watch, listen, observe, support, and enjoy. When I’m performing I want people to watch me, support me and appreciate my hard work that I did so people could enjoy what I’m doing. I’ve been on stage MANY times wither it be a Band performance, a play, a dance competition etc. and I HATE it when I look out to the audience and people are being disrespectful. Why are you there?! Did someone make you go? Are you there to support someone on stage? Do you like what you are going to? There’s many reasons why a person goes to things. I don’t think it’s anything from the list of disrespectful things. If it was then leave. I’d rather someone walk out and leave during my performance instead of staying and acting bored and not caring about what’s happening on stage. Because of this I actually watch what’s going on on stage. I sit up straight legs crossed, listen, watch, enjoy and smile. I’m there to enjoy, not sleep. I don’t like hearing a conversation that’s not in the movie or performance. Watching a movie at home is different but if I pay $8.50 for something or any kind of money for something I want to get everything out of it I can.

Ok, so another kind of moral/value I have has to do with people in a relationship. If I’m in a group of friends I want to be with all of them. I don’t appreciate watching someone make out and only pay attention to each other. If you want to do that or be alone, you can leave! I would love if you stayed and hung out but I DON’T want to try and talk to you or include you and you ignore it and then come to me asking why I didn’t talk to you that much that day caus I did, you just didn’t want it then. You can’t have me and them at the same time unless you allow it.

You: “Didn’t you have a post about this?”

Me: “Yup. Twas my first one. Want to read it again? Here it is!” à  :P

Again. This is my opinion. If I offend anyone I’m sorry. This is me. IDK how you see it and you should explain it to me caus I’d Love to know! :D

There is a lot of other things I could say about how my mind works or what I think but I don’t want the world knowing everything. ;D Thanks for reading and hopefully you all understand that you need to get out of your own state of mind and get to know others and see their side as well. If everyone tried a little harder to understand others I really do think a big picture will form and possibly people can become wiser and maybe people’s lives will be less conflicted. I live to try and understand other people. Maybe that’s my textbook mind or whatever, but I’m not going to change any time soon. 

The Hard Times With Friends.

Throughout my life, I have witnessed a lot and with this, I’ve learned that people come and go. Some people are less mature than you are and can’t see the wisdom and experience you have so you have to suggest things then watch them crash and burn and learn the way you have. Some people are more mature and have more wisdom than you and you can take their advice and see their point but you still have to crash and burn to gain their knowledge. I’ve lived through pain and have learned a lot about people and friendships. I’m still not a master and still screw up all the time. I’ve noticed I have two weak points in life, Spelling and Friends. At least there’s spell check for my one weak point. Friends is harder to deal with. Ever person is different. Some people are able to have so many friends and be happy. I’m so jealous of them. They just have a knack for people. I don’t. So Story time!

You: YAY! I love stories!

Me: It’s Kinda depressing. Hold on tight and be prepared.

Before I begin. This isn’t a feel bad for me post. It’s a learning and understanding post and something to type up caus I think I just need to see things on paper, or in this case on screen.

So I was bullied a lot as a child. I started getting a few friends in Jr. High but they ended up being people who just used me and then would bully me more caus they knew more about me so they could hurt me more. High School seemed the same for the first two years. I finally got a really good friend right before Jr. Year. We did everything together and I thought we were great together. In January she was going through a hard time and she ended up changing schools. I knew while we were friends I was kinda like her… Bitch is a good word. I did everything for her but I enjoyed it. She was my Best Friend (besides my main best friend who I’ll talk about later). When she left she knew just the right words to hurt me and she said them. I found myself alone once again but with the pain she left me. I don’t blame her. I know she was hurt and she probably just lashed out but it doesn’t make the pain any less. I learned a lot from her but I’m also sad she’s not a part of my life anymore but painful memories.

After the first girl was gone another girl was there who swooped in a few weeks later and sorta “rescued” me from my pain. We were great friends. I kinda had to change for this friend but I did it because I’m kinda dumb and do what people tell me to (not so much anymore). I ended up being a mini her. I realized it and stopped and she got upset. She tried turning all my friends against me and it worked for a few days. It ended up backfiring on her and she lost many friends. I feel so bad about it but I wasn’t about to let myself lose everything I had. I still lost an amazing friend and another in the process. She hurt me and I am sad we can’t be friends and I still have pain from it. I learned a lot from the loss of this friendship.

I was torn up for weeks from these two instances. I still kinda am but I’ve forgiven, moved on and learned.

You: So who’s you’re best friend who you said you’d mention.

Me: Oh yes!

So my best friend EVA… let’s call him (yes him)…………Shower (Don’t ask…).

So Shower's and mine’s friendship is a very strange one. After 3 years of stubbornness on my part to be friends we became super close and the best of friends. The wired thing is me and shower are total opposites! He will make me mad a lot and he just doesn’t care. I love him anyways. We say we’re twins, which is kinda weird caus if you’ve seen us we SO don’t look ANYTHING alike. He’s my brother, my best friend forever. We get along because we put up with each other and can see each other's point and are both at the same maturity level. Ok, I'll admit when we're together we don't ACT mature but we are. I hate acting mature but I am. Actually, I'm more mature than a lot of the people I associate with. But this is what helps our friendship. We both know how to be childish and have fun but we know what's appropriate. 

I made other really good friends too like….. let’s call them Cholle, Fishy and Chicken…. I miss them! I miss them so much! They are the ones who I can always rely on and trust. They're all back in my home town and I'm four hours away. It is so hard to be away from the people who you love and can trust. Lately I feel like my life is like this song. Not exactly but close. Mainly the chorus.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KmoDEdDByZk&feature=artist

Anywho, so now I’m in college with new friends and everything’s turning to hell. So moral of this story/blog is I suck at friendships. I love my friends and want to keep them but I’m starting to realize I have to let some people go. Growing up is hard and I need to remember not everyone knows what I know and there’s others who know more. Everyone needs to accept this I think. I just need to “Hold on, there’s better day’s around the bend.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J3_ukhHQSjc

This is the song that I’ve been listening to lately along with We are One from Lion King 2 and others.
So the point of this is I've decided to look at what I'm doing in life now and with friends, reevaluate and work on what i want to be and who I want to become. Sadly this is going to be a big change for me (and if you've read previous posts, change is hard especially when it involves friends) and it's going to take time to switch and probably going to drive me more crazy than I currently am. Yay! 

Have a most wonderful night... or day, whenever you read this. Chou!